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Tygitramus 's Lovely Journal
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2009|06:35 pm] |
So, here's a story of what happened to me today and what I wrote to admins at furnet IF I can ever get a correct email addy for them ; p
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Ok, first off, I go by the name of Tygitramus on furnet, and I've been on the server for atleast 8 or 9 years. Today, I went by a site called tweakwin7.com. I have it on my favorites list in firefox. I visit it once a day and look for new posts and I try the new stuff out if I'm not familiar with it and if it sounds helpful. This is where my problem today came from. Please read on....
I went to the site and there was a posting about proxy server programs that help to keep things from being seen when at public wifi spots where maybe you might not want some folks hacking in or atleast hacking in as easily. That's about all I know as far as proxies go, and I atleast knew to a little degree what they do to make that happen, but I had no idea that they were bad, and certainly had no idea they could get a ban on a chat network that I've been on for a very long time.
Anyway, I went to test things out as the little howto lessons on the tor (program that the tweakwin7.com site suggested) site said on how to setup trillian. I just did what it said and attempted to connect to furnet and some other servers and it just wouldn't do it for furnet or most of the others, so I ended up changing my settings back to normal on all of the connections and went to try to connect to all of them and it wouldn't connect to furnet any more, and I couldn't figure out why until I opened up my status window for the connection and I saw that my ip had been banned and it said that tor/proxie was not supported and that my ip was banned. All I can say is that I think I should have atleast been given the chance to get into a chatroom instead of an automatic ban so that someone could have atleast warned me beforehand since I was only testing something I was unfamiliar with and it was advice that came from a site that I have trusted for a very long time in helping me out.
Currently, I came to the decision that it slowed my internet connection down way to much by using the program, and have actually uninstalled it since then and had uninstalled it due to the slowdown issue maybe an hour or so after it had been installed, and also uninstalled it for the obvious reason I'm emailing now which is... it can't be used to hide some of the things that I would really be most worried about someone in a public place honing in on if they got into my system due to it apparently not being accepted on a few different networks (furnet being the only one with an autoban before anyone even has a chance to find out that proxies are bad if they don't know yet). So, I also decided to uninstall it due to the fact that apparently it's disliked in the places I like to go ; p If you wish, you can actually go to the website I mentioned and see for yourself that the posting for proxies was made and that it contains a list of 3 different programs for proxy service on there if you click into the article about it. As a matter of fact, I'll make it easy... http://www.tweakwin7.com/articles/40387/secure-browsing-over-public-networks/
All in all, I'd just like to ask for my ip to be unbanned because it was just experimenting and learning about something I didn't know about and was just following the directions on setting it up between an advice site and the proxie program site and testing what they did for a first time ever and finding out things about network dislikes and other things for a first time which caused the ban. I meant no harm and now I know what the deal is with everything. So, if you would, please unban my ip. This is the one that it is : **.**.***.***
Sincerely,
Tygitramus ; p |
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| I'm doomed for real -_- |
[Dec. 4th, 2009|08:29 am] |
Well folks .. I really don't know what is going to happen... I never have, but while I sit here and watch some folks sit and skip by easily on life or some friends who could do something but they always give excuses, here I am, having told a number of folks for quite a while just what my condition is. I have seen their lives and I'veseen people they've been around, at the absolute pit of everything and alot of it is not my fault. I really don't expect this to really get read either, but then again I haven't done much reading of other folkses livejournals, and let's face it... I'm not one who can 'afford' to be popular enough to anyone to actually be helped.
So, I started off in a nice home, I grew up to an older family who were adoption parents and my father died when I was 7. That left my mother to have to take care of me on her own because none of the rest of the family really ever did anything to help it seems, although they were trully 'blessed' if you will... with an abundance, including much which had come from my mother's hard work over the years... There were always Thanksgiving and Christmas where we did things together, but eventually that proved to be a sham of the family in the longrun.
Around when I became 17 or 18, things started to change. My mother would get angry over small things, no cards in the mail from other family. The other families blossomed with what appeared to be wealth with large houses, boats, remodeling, expensive type vehicles... all the while my mother and I were pretty content in her house. Nothing that all the rest of the family shared ever came our direction for anything though. They never offered anything on it.
During these times, I was trying to become stable in jobs and such and had ended up fired from a Winn Dixie store after having had worked for the Winn Dixie chain for right at about 5 or 6 years. I had been blamed for things that I had no clue were wrong. I was just trying to get setup in life and getting out and trying to live on my own for the first time, and the Winn Dixies had recently come out with the ideas of buy one get one free sales. As customers would come through the lines, just after this started, I would let them know of sales if they only had one package and they may have missed it. If they said they didn't want it, I would ask if I could have the extra one to take home later. Most customers said yes. I had no idea it was wrong, but that wasn't the only thing that these folks got me on.
Also during the times while I was working for Winn Dixie, there was a guy from stock who pointed out that he had been allowed to take certain Winn Dixie brand products home if they had been damaged and usually just got thrown away in the garbage anyway. I had asked an assistant manager at the time (It was one of the female ones) if I could do such as well with the damaged products (like milk or yogurt). Sadly, I used to trust people more and I still kind of have a bad habbit of it, but I am far from where I was these days, so I didn't ask for anything in writing, especially since these were people I had been working with for years and I figured, considering the trusts and all I had been through and displayed with them over the years, that things would be honored by word. That just wasn't the case it ended up.
They ended up getting new cameras installed and that very same night after they were done, I did things like I had been doing for a while and that I had asked if it was ok for. The very next time I went into work, they showed the video to me and they asked me what was in the bags. I told them exactly what had been in it because I was being honest and had no reason to lie. They asked me why I had bags of items and I told them the same exact story I told you here about both things that they got me for. I also told them which assistant manager had told me it was ok to do. They told me both things were wrong and I told them that I didn't know and that I had asked and that now that I knew that it would happen no more. They told me to go home and that they'd have to talk to higher-ups. I never got called by these higher-ups in order to explain my side nore asked to go to a meeting, and due to my age and still fairly novice to a degree in the world of work, I didn't know what I could do. Oddly enough though, about 8 or 9 years later, they are still holding it against me, although I was innocent, and it has blocked me from working for any and all Winn Dixies, which I will say is severely fucking with my ability to find a job in this economy considering alot of my work time was spent in that single place.
Anyway, due to my different points of view at what kind of respect I should recieve with things like raises and such at certain types of jobs considering the amounts of work and accomplishments I did, all p.o.v.'s relating to how I was brought up to think under Christian beliefs that I had a stronger faith in back then, there were issues at those places as well. It's all part of growing up and coming out of a world you thought you lived in (great song by Mika by the way that is actually called 'In Any other World'). There were also some trust issues relating to trusting other workers in pizza delivery when they hit my car right after its repaired, both time swhen it was parked, and a promise to pay a little bit of money vs. insurance issues. Again, moreso, I considered people a much higher race than they turned out to be once I actually got out into the world due to my Christian starts. I made a big deal out of that instance due to that since she was dishonest and I felt that God would put down the wicked and bring about what should be. I had had so many syncronistic type things happen in my life, and atill seem to, but I don't feel it's any God necessarily doing stuff for me... especially not once I get to my story later.
So, due to alot of this going on and bad feelings cropping up, times I had tried, loneliness, and fear, and a promise of other things that I was to be taught that would be useful, I left for other places. I left to explore the world and to try to gain more friends and actually make something of myself in the world as far as accomplishing a life, learning things to expand scientific knowledge, etc. I also had left for fetishes, lost hope, and too much pain then for me to deal with and no one helping to relieve it before I finally just gave in and went and did things. Also during those times, I also kept hopes up for a relationship built in love and a chance to live with someone my age that wasn't family or someone who would not be good to me (of course I had too strong an opinion of love then too due to Christian learning again). During this time, I also tried foreign relations and putting enough care behind things to travel just to find out it was a trick, played the part of a pet, a slave, multiple times of falling into depression and going those last two directions because I didn't feel like I was any better. I still really don't, but I do know that I didn't like those times.
I've made friends and I've lost them. I've had bad management. I've left places, I've stayed and been devoted, just to find myself being fired or no place to live suddenly due to sudden boots from people (some who called themselves friends and who did not trust me although I had showed very good devotion) and lack of recovery of previous times to points where I could actually get out of the pit and actually have my own life again. There were also some issues that I found out about myself later after a good number of years which I had not been aware of.
So, the one main issue was drinking. I still drink, but not as much. It turns out, due to some people finally telling me these things happen, that I would actually yell and get angry when I would drink. I've remembered some of those times. Most of the times it was me yelling out issues going on in my life and trying to point out all the things people weren't noticing and what I needed as help, how I felt, etc, and how I would see them not doing anything to assist even after they knew. So, it would happen rather often. Due to some heavy secrets getting out eventually that many folks probably shouldn't know, I started cutting down on drinking heavily and still take it pretty light most times these days or drink alone. I would randomly call people sometimes, etc. and tell them these things. Some still have me as a friend, but for sure, I could always tell which folks were always the really uncaring ones even when messed up.
So, carrying on with the story... I was still depressed and still things weren't going right for me. It seemed like everywhere I went it just seemed like bad things were waiting to happen to me, especially during times of actually starting to believe that I could finally make it somewhere. That still seems to be the case because I just never am given long enough chances it seems to make it.
Continuing on, all of this has gone on and my mother eventually grew ill (supposedly) and was placed into an old folks home. I ended up having to travel back down to Florida just to witness her death now and to be left overall alone in the family that I knew. I had work that was good there and that I loved, but like any person, I had some dreams I wanted to live, things I wanted to study, things that I had to know. Due to her death, a house that was originally supposed to be mine ended up being split up instead of the only child without a home recieving what had been promised. I did not have any powers of attorney and my sisters were viscious in arguments against me if I asked any questions that were even outside of their own desires. So, it got split 3-ways and there was nothing I could do about it.
Half of the money went to paying off all sorts of debts that had accrued in life over the years from all the troubles I had run into. That lovely job that I had, I left at this point because I felt that I could make the remaining money last for atleast 8 years and I could travel and make my dreams come true and then end up with portions that I would do in savings or some such and then regain work again when time came. That ended up failing, again due to various life situations happening (including one where a family of folks had cleared an entire house of furniture out within 6 hours of time one evening and there was alot of it, having electric cut off and a notice on the door all within a week's time... very wierd) that just put me in binds that I had to work with the best I could.
I had ended up going back to the northwest of the U.S. to try to be with friends that were more real and true and understood helping, and that I felt closest to. I wanted to just relax up there and begin to look for work eventually when I needed to. What I had not counted on was the sudden doom of the economy that has happened. It was early 2009 when I began to look for work, and now here the year is almost over and I have not found work even for a single day so far this year.. which also means no helping taxes coming back next year. I'm unavailable for unemployment and the childrens and families office doesn't seem to want to help me with cash. Due to all the lack of work, I was forced to return to Florida in order to live with family kind of. I am living in a van which is fairly comfortable, which is on their land, but I have nothing left now after this month. I have no money to pay for my electricity use out here or anything else. I'm very scared and there's no one who's herd my cry for help that can or will do anything. People have just watched me go from a nice safe room in a house, through multiple times of homelessness, losing everything that I ever grew up with, things I could have sold, pictures, rememberances, everything... It's all gone. I don't even know if I'll be berated for staying here and unable to pay or even if I will be.
All in all, what did I do to go from a normal family life where my adoption parents loved me, and all the way to this when I've tried so hard, when others could have tried harder easily. This isn't where I want to be and it's nowhere close to how I want to be. I've had my times in life but I have validity in it all and there's too much being held against me still it seems, as well as other folks still making false promises or providing false hopes that I just believe in anymore. I'm very scared of losing communication with people. I don't want to lose my friends that I do have forever and I do not want to end up dead simply because no one could see some light. I've always been willing to be the best I can and do the best I can considering any circumstance having the chance like others have to actually have support and go somewhere with their lives.
That's my story though. I'm sure it could be longer, but my wrists are hurting and also, I've gone through the whole story till now as is, so that's how it is just going to be. |
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| Anger Explanations and Current Whatnots |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|01:09 am] |
So what have I been up to you ask? Well, I made a web page to act as my home page for my internet browser. It looks prettier than a bookmark bar and it's actually easier to find places I want to go to. I put a bing search form onto it, and also noticed in the process of trying google first, that google has been down all day long for some reason.
Also, I worked on Dos 7.10 inside of an emulator called Qemu. I've managed to get networking going tthanks to a network bootup disk by a person named Bart, get music, and get irc all running on it successfully, along with the Arachne web browser I am sure many folks have heard. The processing ability of Qemu is not good enough to play video files at the quality I've seen it able to before on actual Dos systems. It is good enough to skip through frames with sound at a high quality for now though. Hopefully it will get better. This has been a long term goal to achieve, and thanks to technology, it has been achieved. Speeking of which, I should mention goals that I've accomplished at some point. It would be worth reviewing I am sure.
Aside from those, I also changed my desktop appearance around again, and back to darker colors. It lookes really good honestly : ) And otherwise, I've just been looking for work still and hoping that it comes before I completely run out of cash. If that happens, I don't know what will be going on or anything x.x So far, I have no guarantees of long term help from anyone in senses that are needed, although I've told my situations to people plenty of times. I'm hoping that I will be able to stay here at my family's past me being out of money, but I think my electricity use will be too expensive (I rounded it out to somewhere around 50 to 60 dollars a month in what I use). I just wish I knew someone that I knew for certain would actually be there in the sense of being able to help me live like a man instead of a begging dog and me not having to worry about things if something slaps me in the face (like the economy and apparently the huge lack of jobs). If I'm out of here, I really have nowhere to go. No backups this time.... All I have is hope right now to be able to stay and be payed for if things come to that until I can actually get settled in to something finally and not have to worry about things like showers, appearance, etc. I guess we'll just see since to my knowledge, I am still not a trully found person by anyone.
So, one last interesting tidbit tonight. I found this while browsing through the news area of a new firefox plug-in I downloaded today. It is called Cooliris. you should check it out because I don't feel like describing it ; ) Anyway, I'm sure some folks haven't made this connection that I have many times in the past. Especially since I've seen myself do this a fair amount of times to some degrees, after having tried to explain things plainly and calm so many times, and still having no one understand. So, what is it? ... Getting angry... I'm sure some of you have heard me yell at you because I've explained things as simply as possible and then I get thrown down to a gutter or something while everyone just lives it up and there I am left to wallow in the fodder because no one hears me calling out for help with something, so then I get pissed and try to explain it then .. usually called an emo or some other something like that because no one wants to even listen even then. There's nothing I've ever actually done to hurt anyone, and I've always done my best to follow rules, although still continuing my own life in order to cure these 'needs' in order to cure any conflicts in my head that would cause anger. I don't think alot of people have gotten that idea either yet.
Anyway, here is the article I found in picture format:
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| Nyah... Nothing too exciting... |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|04:39 pm] |
Well, I am fairly bored. I am living in my van for the most part in a small town and there's just no one to hang out with here so far except family. I needed to do something today, so here I am typing into my livejournal after a long time.
All in all, I was basically forced to this stage due to the supposed economy and a lack of work after I started looking for it about 8 months ago, and now working on a 9th month. I will be fully out of money in about 3 months with my current bills and all and I pray that work comes to me by then. If it doesn't, I don't know what's going to happen : / I don't want to be forced into oblivion and lack of communication. It's like.. my life! I don't know how insane I'd go without being able to stay in contact with my friends and such. Trust me, probably pretty nuts ; p I have not been without since I was 16 which was a little over 10 years ago o.o; .. bout 13 or so to be more exact.
So, wish the best for me and if you have money.... send me some T _ T Blue dragon needs money ... blue dragon needs money badly T _ T
So what has gone on otherwise during times that everything was still pretty ok? ... more ghost hunting with no ghosts coming forth, but some really neat places to visit and creepy. There's only 2 listed for the town I am in and 1 I have already been to that was a dud so far. The other one I am hoping will not be as such.
That's really about it overall. There's not much else to say or anything.. more movie watching and game playing and drinkin' wahile I still havethe money. I did dress up in a mixture of things I had for Halloween in order to pose as a killer roaming around the yard and chasing after cars with a large knife. It was pretty thrilling really o.o I will have pictures of the costume stuffs up on Myspace shortly.
Now, that's it heh heh |
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| blackvipeer1255 |
[Jun. 18th, 2009|10:01 pm] |
Hey guys. I was askked by a supposed fur named blacviper1255 on yahoo to come pic him up 175 miles from where I am currently at and I was asked that yesterday to do it today. I agreed that I could and I went out there to where I was told to meet.
I was told he'd be along and have two jackets that he wasn't wearing. There were no jackets, and he was not alone. I waled around a while, not knowing that that was him, and I had specifically mentioned my blue cap with specific words on it in case I didn't recognize him. He put blame onto me for not recognizing him and therefore not meeting. Anyway, He started texting me while I was wandering around, instead of actually coming up to me. He said that I looked like someone that he didn't want to be with and he said the only way he would go with me would be if he got to drive.
I just thought I should post this so that people could be warned. Lucikly for him, I was in a mood to drive a long distance today anyway. ; p The whole trip was about 8 hours total, but I did make it back safely. He had also said things like 'If you message this phone again, I'll have you arrested for harrassment.'
Now, some folkks might be wondering about last night and what happened. To start with, a roomate asked me to explain an anime that I had beenlaughing at earlier yesterday. I told him I could show him and he agreed. Anyway, I had had 4 Steinlager beers throughout the night while watching ,so I was pretty toasted tnough and then asked if I wanted some of his Steel Reserve at that point. I had no resistance then and said yes (Although I told him that I was against mixing different types of beers earlier that evening.
Anyway, I started drinking that and just as I had tried to avoid by telling him I didn't want to mix them..... it starts hitting me and sure enough I lost some time. I do remember him saying things about hating mexican's and ttheir meth addicted selves in a certain park around here and how he used to live with them. He also taled about beating girls and that's about all I remember until it started wearing off a little bit and I found myself yelling at him and him laughig away and talking about me over in the other room. I was telling him to shut up shut up shut up and he wouldn't. It ended up waking up the landlord a couple of times.
I then ended up being depressed and hurt most of the night and originally planning on leaving this place today, but the landlord through the fact I signed a 6 month lease at me and seemed to hint that he'd do something about it if I broke the lease ; p Anyway, I was depreessed nearly most of the evening and trying to sing depressing songs through the whole night about love and needing a person who cares and some real hope, etc. etc. I did that for a couple of hours and then finally ploped into the bed at some time. After I woke up, this viper (tevix) person seemed chipper and I told him I was headed out.
Just a last little note, blackviper has a pounced ad up in the oregon section currently and his cell phone that someone is letting him use is a Colorado phone number, and this was in Bend, Oregon where this happened. |
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| More from daniel harless in moses lake : p |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|07:49 pm] |
He stopped messaging me after this last line posted here ....
[18:19] daniel_harless: hi
[18:19] iamnotthedevilforyou: hello
[18:19] iamnotthedevilforyou: sup?
[18:19] daniel_harless: nothing
[18:19] daniel_harless: getting the place ready for a bbq tomorrow
[18:19] iamnotthedevilforyou: yah
[18:19] iamnotthedevilforyou: why?
[18:20] daniel_harless: well alleys giveing me a party for my brith day tomprrow
[18:22] iamnotthedevilforyou: oh yeah? thought you were supposed to get your ass arrested and shit
[18:22] daniel_harless: ha ha
[18:22] iamnotthedevilforyou: what happened there hmm?
[18:22] daniel_harless: for what
[18:22] iamnotthedevilforyou: thought yall were visciously not friends anymore
[18:22] daniel_harless: oh he woke up
[18:23] iamnotthedevilforyou: woke up?
[18:24] daniel_harless: he know that he was lossing a good friend
[18:24] daniel_harless: and he didnt want to do that
[18:24] iamnotthedevilforyou: bah
[18:25] daniel_harless: right
[18:25] iamnotthedevilforyou: i don't believe it
[18:25] daniel_harless: so now i live in that apt of his
[18:25] iamnotthedevilforyou: whatever
[18:25] daniel_harless: what
[18:25] iamnotthedevilforyou: you probably just sucked him off a bunch of times
[18:26] daniel_harless: nope
[18:26] daniel_harless: i didnt
[18:26] iamnotthedevilforyou: bah
[18:26] daniel_harless: dont belive me i dont care
[18:26] iamnotthedevilforyou: i know you don'r
[18:26] iamnotthedevilforyou: t
[18:27] daniel_harless: so any ways hows OR
[18:27] daniel_harless: i know where ur at
[18:27] iamnotthedevilforyou: i'm not in oregon
[18:27] iamnotthedevilforyou: and who said i was? ; p
[18:27] daniel_harless: ur ip address
[18:28] iamnotthedevilforyou: and where did you get an ip address from?
[18:28] daniel_harless: i have my ways i told u that
[18:28] daniel_harless: so i hope ur doing good
[18:28] iamnotthedevilforyou: tell me T_T
[18:28] iamnotthedevilforyou: tell me what your 'ways' are
[18:29] daniel_harless: i even know ur looking for a master
[18:29] iamnotthedevilforyou: am i?
[18:29] daniel_harless: yes
[18:29] daniel_harless: well that was ur ad
[18:29] iamnotthedevilforyou: craigslist huh? lol
[18:29] daniel_harless: yep
[18:29] daniel_harless: not only that
[18:29] daniel_harless: gay.com
[18:30] iamnotthedevilforyou: well you are dead fuckin wrong dude.. or are you? i can tell you that you are
[18:30] iamnotthedevilforyou: by the way, did your little toy not show up for your monday birthday party? ; )
[18:30] daniel_harless: what toy
[18:31] iamnotthedevilforyou: thought so ; )
[18:31] daniel_harless: which one are u talking about
[18:31] daniel_harless: i have a fury here now
[18:31] daniel_harless: well one of them
[18:32] iamnotthedevilforyou: like i said .. thought so >: )
[18:32] iamnotthedevilforyou: i know what you have been up to as well
[18:32] daniel_harless: realy
[18:32] daniel_harless: plz do tell
[18:33] daniel_harless: ok if u know so much whos here
[18:34] iamnotthedevilforyou: the question moreso is .. who isn't there? ; )
[18:34] daniel_harless: you
[18:34] iamnotthedevilforyou: that's a lie
[18:34] daniel_harless: oh if u mean hopps
[18:34] iamnotthedevilforyou: i don't see any huge knotted dogs
[18:34] iamnotthedevilforyou: so why would i be there?
[18:34] iamnotthedevilforyou: >: )
[18:34] daniel_harless: i dont care about him any more
[18:35] daniel_harless: he can do his drugs like u and live a hell lifs
[18:35] daniel_harless: im better off with out him
[18:36] iamnotthedevilforyou: you are off your rocker man. just so you know .. every moment you are a dick to me, it is STILL being logged >: )
[18:36] iamnotthedevilforyou: and being posted in every possible place that you don't know about >: )
[18:37] daniel_harless: im not being a dick to u
[18:37] daniel_harless: you too
[18:37] daniel_harless: i have every thing since u lived here'
[18:38] iamnotthedevilforyou: you hated everything before i came there according to things you told me while i was there. are you now going to be even more of a complete lier?
[18:38] daniel_harless: and
[18:38] daniel_harless: so
[18:38] daniel_harless: and what u played me and alley
[18:39] iamnotthedevilforyou: i played no one
[18:39] daniel_harless: i played u
[18:39] iamnotthedevilforyou: and i know you played me .. duh... why the hell you think i call you a lier? ; )
[18:39] daniel_harless: i wont belive every thing that hopps tell u i know that he talks to u
[18:39] daniel_harless: he told me him self
[18:40] iamnotthedevilforyou: many reasons. i knew you were playing me the whole time. i wasn't playing. i was living my life while yall were overly concenerd with some stupid bullshit ; )
[18:40] daniel_harless: belive what u want
[18:40] iamnotthedevilforyou: trust me .. when everything hits the fan for you, it's the truth that will come through
[18:41] daniel_harless: i dont care
[18:41] iamnotthedevilforyou: like i said .. i know you don't
[18:41] daniel_harless: goiing in the hot tub later
[18:41] iamnotthedevilforyou: that was obvious on the very first day that you ever came over
[18:41] iamnotthedevilforyou: to alley's place, but i gave you a chance in case i was wrong
[18:42] iamnotthedevilforyou: by the way .. how was the club?
[18:42] iamnotthedevilforyou: this past weekend?
[18:43] iamnotthedevilforyou: didn't manage to get your toy from there huh did you |
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| Just want to post about someone to watch for |
[May. 3rd, 2009|11:54 pm] |
Sadly, this is just more dumb drama from the far reaches of a place called moses lake, washington. I've told this person many times to leave me alone and to take me off their buddy list. Tonight, they tried to add me back, and apparently some more stuff is going on with a person who goes by the name of (unnamed at the moment unless something else comes up specifically regarding him), aka a Mr. B. The most recent postings from tonight are below and I usually don't post things known as 'drama', but if it happens enough, I think it should be a warning to avoid these folks, rather than to let some folks drift into the claws of these guys..... dan is also currently known as danny_fox_27 in some places, and mr. b. goes by atleast a name of g. and has a 3rd character he might be bringing up soon as well as far as the 'fur' world goes. I do have logs dating a few months back even to when I first met with dan. All logs with mr. b. have been fairly ok sounding, however during the time a couple of weeks ago, I can atleast say what happened and hope on the fact that folks will trust me, so me based off of some of the logs on here. Again, Mr. B. wil remain unnamed unless something specifically comes back at me for some dumb reason in similarity to the dumb stuff below ; p
[23:34] daniel_harless: hey just to let know that b took ur stutt out of the trash
[23:35] iamthedevilforyou: tel him to throw it back in. that was my shit
[23:35] iamthedevilforyou: it's garbage
[23:35] daniel_harless: not ur pics
[23:35] daniel_harless: of ur famil
[23:36] daniel_harless: that was stupid
[23:37] daniel_harless: r u still dead
[23:37] daniel_harless: r u going to talk to me
[23:38] iamthedevilforyou: no.. leave me alone like you said you would. you're such a god damned lier
[23:38] iamthedevilforyou: fuck off and don't message me again ya jerk... and throw all the other shit away
[23:39] daniel_harless: i was just tell u that b took ur pics out of the trash dam
[23:39] iamthedevilforyou: well tell him throw everything back away T _ T
[23:39] iamthedevilforyou: you arent even supposed to be friendsd with him >: (
[23:39] daniel_harless: he just to tell u that when u get online
[23:40] daniel_harless: cus he knows i chat with u he dont know were not friends
[23:46] iamthedevilforyou: bah. considering you are even being talked to and everything that seems to have happened the way it did, etc. etc, why can't i believe that? oooooh .. i don't know. ... hmmm
[23:48] iamthedevilforyou: I AM TELLING YOU .... DON"T MESSAGE ME
[23:48] iamthedevilforyou: YOU ALSO TRIED TO RE_AD ME TO A BUDDY LIST
[23:49] daniel_harless: i do miss chating with u dude i dont know why u have to b this way but any way u have issues u have to deal with like ur coc... problem u need HELP but no one is going to help u in tel u help ur self but i wouldve been there for u but u didnt want it so fine... u have issues more than i do.... u dont know what u want some day u would come to ur sinces and realize ur dumb and stupid for what u did... i did.... but thats you so when u come around hit me up and well talk
[23:49] daniel_harless: DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO
[23:49] iamthedevilforyou: if someone else tells you to message me, don't. tell THEM to message me personally if it's so fucking important, and on top of that, leave all my shit where i put it ... in the garbage.
[23:49] daniel_harless: UR NOT MY BOSS
[23:49] iamthedevilforyou: why? b does apparently
[23:50] iamthedevilforyou: even when yall arent friends apparently
[23:50] daniel_harless: I AM A FRIEND
[23:50] daniel_harless: MORE THAN U
[23:50] iamthedevilforyou: you just said up above that yall werent
[23:50] iamthedevilforyou: gonna lie some more?
[23:50] daniel_harless: LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE NOT WHAT I DO
[23:51] iamthedevilforyou: that's another lie. i've seen exactly what you've typed asshole
[23:51] daniel_harless: UR NOT READING RIGHT I SAID I MISS U
[23:51] iamthedevilforyou: every bit of it logged
[23:51] daniel_harless: DAM IT
[23:51] iamthedevilforyou: u've said NOTHING about missing me until just then in the conversation and i already told you to leave me alone
[23:52] daniel_harless: UR ACKING LIKE AN ASS NOT ME
[23:52] iamthedevilforyou: and that we are not friends
[23:52] daniel_harless: R U ON COC
[23:52] iamthedevilforyou: bullcrap .. who'se taking stuff out of the garbage that i threw away?
[23:52] daniel_harless: ALLEY NOT ME
[23:52] iamthedevilforyou: no. i'm perfectly sober dumbass
[23:53] daniel_harless: I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW
[23:53] iamthedevilforyou: fuck you man
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| 3/28/2008 - 98/2008 coverage from written journal |
[Apr. 20th, 2009|10:09 pm] |
3/28/2008
verse to live by : 'he who has sent me to you has performed a much greater sin." In otherwords, God is in control and we are sinless and following what he commands simply by being where we are, whatever we are doing. It is his will.
I did not do alot today. I woke up around 9am central time and had slept in my car at Pensacola Beach. Since I was there, I went and bathed in the waters. They were rough and quite cold. It took about 15 minutes for me to completely submerge due to the temperature of it. I didn't stay long because the water was too rough for me to go under without being scared.
after that, I drove around putting in applications for work, reorganized my room (car) ... which included dropping some stuff off at goodwill, and got on the internet some before an interview at a Whataburger. I got hired, so I atleast know that I'm safe on my bills at this point, thank God! I need my car always. It's almost the only thing I have in the world. If it wasn't useful for important things, I would not care if I had a vehicle at all.
Anyways, I've been really nervous about seeing my mom again. She seemed in such a terrible condition the last time I went and I almost cried in front of her. I suspect trickery and drugging of her though. Four years ago when I left, she looked great and still had a fantastic mind. Only about 1 year ago did noticeable memory problems start occurring with her when I would talk to her on the phone. Suposedly she had a stroke last year. The only thing is is that out of four years, only one year has anything having to do with memory and anything physically happened. It really makes me think they are doing something to her and not treating her well. My sister said "That's not really momma... it's just her body.". While it may be a way for my sister to cope with it, I felt it was mean, but I kept my mouth shut. My mom noticed me and was real glad to see me. She had a few forgetful moments on who I was, but for the most part she still seemed cognizant of who I was. I'm atleast THRILLED I got to see her again, hear her again, and hug her. Although I had always been scared of hugging her in the past due to my lack of understanding of care and love, I was right on it this time and wanted to bad because I had missed her so much. She will trully always be the best mom ever! There will never be anyone like my mother!
Lastly, I plan on snorting some coc. slightly just to be able to deal with the visits I make to my mother, just so I won't cry when there, and I make the best of my time there with her for the both of us. I like the stuff in general, but either way, I have to promote MUCH responsibility and self control with it so that I remain aware of my world and not put my mind out as a whole. I don't like the fact that it is illegal for everyone, because I believe folks can have self-control sometimes and I am one of those persons. My own personal use has never had any effects on anyone else's lives either when I have done anything. I'm a good boy and would never harm a flee.
That's it for now. I'm tired and muchly need rest. GOOD NIGHT!
..... and ok .. i've determined that there is way too much written down for me to type, and I personally want to get the heck outta here I guess. I'm supposed to start a hike for a ghost trip and for being booted ... again; p Anyways, check out my myspace page if it is linked to my livejournal, which it should be ; p It will keep you up to date on most of my journey as long as I survive the hikes ; p The pack itself may very well kill me ; p |
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| Happy Shrove Monday? |
[Feb. 24th, 2009|10:37 am] |
So, I celebrated Shrove Monday. It is some Christian tradition thing that Google calendar let me know about. I starts the week off of Mardi Gras, and the idea of this day is to simply have the traditional meal of eggs with some kind of leftover slived meat in it. ; p I had 4 eggs with the last of some sliced turkey that I had about 5 slices remaining of. Quite frankly, it wasn't very tasty, but then again, I didn't put any extra sauces or anything on it for flavor. ; p It is supposed to make up for the fact that on Mardi Gras day that it's pancakes in the morning and no meat products the rest of the day.
Anyway, not much else is new. Today is the official Mardi Gras day though, so food and music, etc. will be my theme for the day and I shall celebrate this.... Mardi Gras without parades since there are none here. ; p Hope everyone enjoys today! rawr! |
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| Leaving once again ... |
[Feb. 14th, 2009|02:35 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | freedom gain loss | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Lynnwood | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | FLV file - Legendz - Room of Angels | ] |
Well, here is the news .. It is Saturday the 14th of February 2009 now. I've already been told that I am only allowed to stay a little longer at this house that I am at with the furs that I am with. So, the time comes once again to be moving along a little sooner than time allowed.
So, what does this mean? This means I get to head to eastern Washington now. There is someone there who says he has a room prepared for me, and I am hoping it will suffice for me until I am cleared of my possessions and such so as to go out and have the ability to simplify my life muchly and put off alot of the burdens that go along with having things in this civilization. It has been severe stress to me over the years to try to keep up and I am incredibly tired of it. I'm not sure what will happen after that, but there are a couple of people from oregon who are wanting me to come to them before I head off to this new place.
I had answered yes to doing so at first, however I have changed my mind due to wanting to stay on task and not lose focus of my goal in freeing myself from things and being able to be released in all ways that I can from any chains that bind me daily. If I go anywhere else now, that's going to delay. With the freedom, I believe it will allow me to appreciate friends even more, and not be such a burden to folks as in the past for space and such. I can be much more portable, and if a mate ever happens to come along that can hopefully handle the lifestyle of just something as simplistic as it, then it will allow for more time to be with them, etc.
So, what am I having to leave? At this point, nothing really except the areas where more furs live the most at here in Washington state, as well as actually a friend I've been able to meet after a couple of years of knowing him from only online. We've had some pretty fun times here at this house and had many laughs. Also, he did get me to dance around the upstairs of the house tonight by playing a freaky disco song called 'High Voltage'. We've had some good meals together and some good hugs and rubs, etc. His name is Slash by the way. I'll definitely remember these times at this place, and someday will see folks again, but I never know when I will. I just go where life seems to force me to go, but again that has been mostly due to having possessions that are able to chain me down.
So, what am I going to gain? I will gain a room, hopefully a chance to finally sell off my items at a yard sale, free myself from a car as well as insurance, finish up any tax things from last year and get my money back on that, be able to concentrate on starting up working on spiritual things again and working on building up my energies again, possibly being able to stay long enough to have a place to work with setting up the very last of my magick items with the required preperations, being able to pay more attention to the main higher power and begin recognizing better the guiding spirits. Aside from those though, a chance to have freedom to go wherever i like and to be of money overall as far as expensiveness goes... to go visit people and such with no holdbacks on whether or not money will make things unable to be done.
People are heading to sleep now, so I have to go as well. Goodnight, and wish me luck anyone who reads. |
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| Grrrrrrr .... Lack of honesty ... >: ( |
[Feb. 8th, 2009|08:27 pm] |
Ok, I got back to the chick's place from spending the night at a friend's place and I told that friend I'd message when I got back. I tried to get on the internet and it wouldn't work for me. I asked her to unplug the router a couple of times and she did. Internet still didn't work, although I was certain it was a router problem.
So, what did I do? I tried to connect to a different nearby access point in order to see if it was for sure not a software issue since I had just recently installed Windows 7 beta. I got a note popping up to enter a key. So, because of that, I thought to look at the settings for the connection to the chick's place router on my system and retyped in the key that I had setup. It didn't work although it should have considering the unplugs and the check to make sure things were right, etc.
This is the 2nd time things have not been straightforward and honest with me in the past week .. maybe the 3rd time. They were shady about it and just being mean bullies! So what about the other time they were shady and not honest?
I had JUST met a friend for a first time who I have talked to for a couple or 3 years. We hung out in the afternoon and I had been told that babysitting was supposed to go on in the early evening. I basicaly asked that if they were going to be out too late, to please call me before they left so I wouldn't get locked out. So, about 9pm I get a call from her son who says the babysitting is suddenly going to be late night now and that him and his mother are going and it will be really late when they got in. Apparently this was all a ploy simply because the chick didn't want me to return that night so soon and not at all that night if possible. If that had been the case, they should have both been open and straightforward with me. Because they weren't, I DIDN'T stay out later because I didn't want to get locked out for the night. I could have stayed longer at my friend's place, and had been considering asking to stay the night, but due to things happening how and when they did, I decided that I would rather come back.
This is the kind of stupid stuff I have to deal with with this chick. Again, she says she is soooo Christian and it makes her higher and mightier and infallible, and yet she pulls this. So, again, as far as this bits' relation to the subject of dishonesty, she just comes around as just a hypocrit : / |
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| WHY the hell does something have to make noise or go on all day every day?! |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|09:24 pm] |
WHY the hell does something have to make noise or go on all day every day?!
This will be my first truly upsetting posting, but for good reason. As pretty much all of you know, I recently moved back up to Washington. it was an incredibly harsh trip across snow and dangerous ice for a full month, coming all the way from florida. I came up because I thought I still had a true friend up here. I have very much since found out over the month of January, that this person decided to change from caring to a complete robot. I thought she'd be overjoyed to see me again and I thought that she would be different than anyone else I had ever known. I just wanted to fit into a family again. All I've gotten is stupid rants against me, calling me not Christian based, probably because my myspace says that I'm Wiccan.
I stated that I was Wiccan on there because I know history and have studied it, and right now, the information I need in order to learn more will be coming from the Wiccan side of things. I am very much based in Christianity and its roots.
Anyway, I've dealt with that, put downs because I like males, being told I commit sins of the flesh and I'm such a horrid influence on people. I've had to deal with someone yelling about not being able to get help ona computer, and not being able to do homework cause she can't get rid of the spyware she has because of all the stuff she downloads, and won't let anyone help her the way that would be best and the fastest. Then when she finally gets somewhere because she finally listens to them after about the 10th time they've told her about ideas, she doesn't do homework, but instead goes to some dumb picture site and starts comparing photos of people. After being bitched at about not being able to do homework for about 2.5 hours, I am very upset with her.
She has also told me to get out because of all this bullshit she has come up with that I have proved her wrong at every time right directly in front of her son at that since she decides to start things, knowing full well where they will go.
Now, what have I done helpful? I've helped clean the house, take care of the child, shared food with everyone that I bought with my money. I've driven people to places they wanted to go to, and payed for meals at restaurants. I have payed rent and even gave alot of money out of what I was able to give over the past year to her, as well as some money this year already. I've talked to her, hugged her, and been incredibly nice. I know people have their bad days, but this is not a bad day thing. She says I am a bad influence on her child?
What do I do that's a bad influence? Is it the lifting above my head? is it the attention I give? Is it the smile and the laughter that comes from him? Good question huh? Is it the hugs I give? is it the care I give? I share my food when he wants to try portions, and even let him have very breif moments of doing things like pressing keys on my laptop (although this is rare for both the laptops in the house), let him press game buttons on game controllers. I read to him while he is in my lap exactly like my very own mother used to do. When he gets into something that could be bad for him that wasn't noticed by anyone before, then I do what everyone else does, I try to help keep him away from those thigns so he doesn't get hurt.
Now, if she ever reads this, why have I even brought up any of these events when they are supposed to be let go? The reason is because she will not let them go and keeps bringing things up, whther new or old or a mixed variety. She claims to be a Christian, and I guarantee Jesus would not approve. According to Christianity, Jesus came to save us from our sins. The new rule was basically to just love one another. If this is the case, then why is this religion stuff such a big issue with her? The way she has treated me is nothing like what Jesus would do, who actually lived amongst all the outcast of society and was kind to them and taught of love.
All in all, this whole thing with people over the years is really annoying. I have been the absolute kindest soul that I can be and treated people very well and done things for them, and all I have gotten in return is complete crapped on. The day I really have a home where someone loves and cares for me in the sense of living, as in a real family type style, and don't have someone say so and then kick me out to the streets or whatever when I have given my all to them, will be a real miracle. Someplace free, somewhere where I am the me that I am and left as free and having love.... that will be the day.
Maybe I'll get a true friend someday .. who knows ... I'm still waiting for the proof as far as real life is concerned -_- I couldn't figure out which comic to add into here to represent my feelings on thigs, but I think that considering this is a post about someone downing me because of religion stuff, and that I've just gotten caught up in things again and again, I would say that some good ol' sinfest comicing would do the trick. ; ) Go to the site itself for hopefully some enlightenment rather than just a read. ; ) On second thought, I'll just post both because both can apply ; p
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| When? |
[Dec. 27th, 2008|02:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Colona, Illinois | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Street fighter music from the tv | ] |
Hola folks. The snow has finally let up here in Illinois and it is supposed to be that way for a week roughly. I will probably be leaving during this time... probably tommorrow in order to continue my journey. It's been an awesome time here and every day has held something. I'm resting today, and will be sleeping some more soon. I woke up feeling great, but currently my body is wanting to be a little wierd and try to be tired again. I am much better than I was, although some still lingers. The biggest problem with all of it is my sinuses. It could be the Aleve-D that I've been taking since it doesn't have guifenisan or acetamenaphin in it and I usually respond better to medicine when those are included.
Let's see.. is there anything else...? Oh, I'm going to miss this place, buuut I think I might be better without the spiders x.x Just got back from the store jsut down the road since i can get my car out of the driveway and back in order to drive again. Got some sobes since the water here has a ton ofiron in it x.x You can fill a bowl up with water and in just 2 days, it will get brown iron deposits actually integrating with it ; p
That's it for this posting. Peace! |
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